Sunday, November 27, 2011

"The Wooded Menace"

Amy and I played a game a while back were we left the front lines of WWWII behind and played a Golden Age superhero encounter on the outskirts of Gotham City and below is what we came up with.  Its got beefy superheroes, sexy naked chicks and a ton of wood so enjoy.

The baddies consist of Hardoak and her group of rouge forest nymphs.  Hardoak has also tricked two treemen into fighting for her cause.

Our good guys comprise of the Dark Knight himself along with Dr. Mid-Nite with his pet owl Hooty and the forest nymph Elm.  Batman has also brought his Bat-Mobile and a Bat-Sentry to the fray.

The pre-battle set up is located within the forests outside of Gotham City on a cold and dark night with all Night Rules in play.

Our story opens with a group of shady characters unloading a truck full of toxic waste in the woods outside of Gotham City.

One of the men heads out into the darkness to take a leak and suddenly stops after he notices the woods are completely silent.  Unnerved, the man raises his flashlight to light up the darkness around him and is stunned to see three completely nude women standing before him.  Just as the man smiles, an arrow flies through his mouth and into his brain.  The man falls limp to the forest floor.

Wondering where their partner in crime is, the other two men call out for him and are answered with a woman’s voice.  “He’s feeding the trees as will you shortly.”  The men raise their flashlights to see a naked woman before them.  The two men look at each other and smile and move closer with weapons drawn.  “What do we have here?  Out for a midnight stroll are we?  I bet we…”

But before the man could finish his sexist remark the tree next to the truck begins to violently shudder and thrash.  The very roots are uprooted and the branches begin to pound and crush the truck.  With a mighty swat, the truck it turned over with a huge crash.  The frightened men run for their lives with one being crushed by the uprooted foot of the treeman.  The other just misses a fatal strike by a massive branch and runs screaming for some lights in the distance.  With ease, the nymphs move through their forest home and make their pursuit for their human prey.

The horrified man runs screaming for the perceived safety of the building but gets two arrows in the eyes as he rounds the corner.  The nymphs then turn around to discover a man looking through the office window.  The man runs and locks the door and then picks up the phone.  “POLICE?!  This is Joe Silver out at the O’Connor CO-OP and I..”  His conversation is cut short as the nymph opens his throat from ear to ear.  At least the last thing he sees are three of the most beautiful woman he has ever seen standing above him smiling at his demise.

30 minutes later, a patrol car arrives to investigate the call and is stunned to see a nude woman standing in the middle of the road.

Before the two officers can react, the treeman next to them comes to life and begins to smash the patrol car.  The patrol car is picked up and smashed over and over and then with a mighty crash it is knocked over on its side.  The two battered officers are finished off as two nymphs who climb on top of the wreckage who pierce their hearts with their blades.

Soon after, the Bat-Man, Dr. Mid-Nite and the nymph Elm arrive on the scene of the illegal dumping.  Elm contacted the Dark Knight and asked for some assistance with her in apprehending Hardoak and her rogue sisters.  Our heroes discover the smashed truck and the crushed thug.  “What could have done this to a man?” said Mid-Nite.  “I believe I know.” says Elm sadly as she looks at the darkened forest.  “Doc, use your night vision and check out the perimeter for anything else.”

As Dr. Mid-Nite vanishes into the darkness, the Bat-Man investigates the pile of barrels that have obviously been dumped by the victims.  The Bat-Man realizes that this is an experimental chemical used in thinners and knows exactly where it comes from.  “This is some bad stuff, Elm”  says Bats.  “The company who is developing this is well know to be involved with organized crime so them illegally dumping it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary.”  “It is this kind of intrusion and irresponsibility that has driven Hardoak and my fellow sisters mad with this crusade to protect the forest no matter the means.” explains Elm.

A short distance away, Dr. Mid-Nite uses his night vision and easily discovers another corpse in the shadowy undergrowth.  As the hero inspects the corpse, a rogue nymph takes aim with her bow.  Unbeknownst to the forest nymph, her target sees perfectly in the shadows and he has seen this treat coming and quickly responds.

Mid-Nite throws a black-out bomb and the nymph is engulfed in a cloud of absolute darkness.  The doctor rushes the nymph and easily subdues her as she is stunned by the unexpected darkness.

Elm and Bat-Man rush to investigate the commotion and sees Dr. Mid-Nite’s nude captive.  “Elm, is this Hardoak?” asks the Bat-Man.  “No, but it is one of her ilk”.  “Sister, where is Hardoak and what is she planning?” asks her superior.  But before the nymph can respond, an arrow pierces her throat splattering our heroes with her gore.  The Doctor surveys the area and sees another nymph with a smile and bow in hand off in the distance.  “There she is!” yells Elm.

The Bat-Man sprints off into the darkness before anyone else can react but looses the nymph in the darkness of the think woods.  The Dark Knight then heads to the Bat-Mobile for some special equipment when all of a sudden the headlights are extinguished with a series of crashes.

Bat-Man lets loose a flare and in front of the smoldering wreckage of the Bat-Mobile is a massive treeman heading right for them.

The Bat-Man doges a massive tree trunk as the tree man takes a swipe at him.  Dr. Mid-Nite throws a black-out bomb at the monster as Bats readies a Willie Pete grenade.  “NO, wait!  Let me speak to him!” screams Elm.

Reluctantly, the world’s greatest detective holds fast with his grenade as the nymph slowly approaches the raging tree monster.  The two sway back and forth as if in some sort of trance and then suddenly the treeman holds fast.

Then the monstrous thing anchors his roots back into the soil and once again becomes a silent and motionless addition of the woods.  Elm explains to her companions that Hardoak has tricked him into thinking that they were going to harm the woods and that he was given orders by the highest authority to defend it at any cost.  “He also told me that she intends to have other treemen help her destroy the Gotham City damn and flood the city.” explains Elm. “That will kill thousands before any kind of evacuation is possible!” proclaimed Dr. Mid-Nite.  “You two see if you can pick up Hardoak’s trail and I will met you at the CO-OP in 15 minutes” commands Bats.

With the Doctor’s night vision, the two are able to pick up a trail that heads towards the CO-OP but it quickly turns into an ambush!

The Doctor is able to let loose a black-out bomb before the attack and the nymph’s arrows fly wide of their mark.  Mid-Nite knocks one of the nymphs out but the other gets a lucky hit with her spear and he goes down with a flesh wound.  Hooty comes to his master's aid with a swipe of his claws at her neck right as the nymph was about to finish the job.  The nymph stumbles and is finished off with a right hook from her sister, Elm.

Bat-Man catches up to his comrades just a Elm is struck in the shoulder with an arrow.  Dr. Mid-Nite points to a sniper in the tree and Bat-Man lets loose a razor-shard batarang.

The batarang flies straight and true and kills the sniper before she can get off another arrow.  Batman rushes to his wounded friends and surveys the scene.  “Can you handle this?” asks Bat-Man as the doctor helps out the unconscious Elm.  “No problem!  Get Hardoak before she can destroy the damn.” says Mid-Nite as Hooty flies up to make sure the area is secure.  “Reinforcements are in route so hold on.” Bat-Man adds as he disappears in the darkness.

Hooty indicates that Elm headed to the CO-OP and Bat-Man heads out to stop her.  Bats effortlessly scales the water tower and just as he picks out Hardoak’s location, the tree below him comes to life.

The treeman smashes the water tower but Bat-Man leaps off just as it crashes to the ground.  Bat-Man smashes into the CO-OP roof and then rolls off violently to the soft ground below.  The Bat-Man lies motionless as Hardoak orders her sisters to finish the job.

Two nymphs hover over the Dark Knight with blades at the ready but before they can make their kill, Bat-Man is engulfed in a cloud of knock out gas.  The two nymphs fall limp to the ground in a deep sleep.

“KILL HIM!” screams Hardoak as she rides the massive treeman.  The treeman beings to close on the wounded Bat-Man.
But just as the tree man is clearly going to stomp on our hero, the treeman is smashed to the ground with the wreckage of the water tower.  Hardoak is thrown free and the treeman and is stunned to see some sort of robot approaching.

The Bat-Sentry pins the treeman down preventing it from finishing his deed.

Enraged, the mad nymph threatens our hero.  “I will see you rot in this wood one day, Bat-Man!” screams the nymph as she runs off into the darkness.

Minutes later, Dr. Mid-Nite appears with only his trusty winged partner.  “Where is Elm?” questions Bats.  “I looked away when the water tower fell and when I looked back she had vanished.  I then got here as fast as I could to see if I could help out but it looks like your REINFORCEMENTS arrived just in time.”  said Mid-Nite as Hooty scans the huge Bat-Sentry.

Elsewhere, Hardoak runs through the darkness only to run into her fellow sister nymph, Elm.  “So you live, sister.” says Hardoak with an evil smile.  “Sister, how did it come to this?  Your hatred has turned you mad and you must be stopped.” says Elm.  “At least I am protecting the wood where as you let it be tainted by the poisons of man!” yells back the rogue nymph.  “Hardoak, you have been found guilty of the highest crimes of our order and have been sentenced to returned to the woods immediately never to be uprooted again.” proclaims Elm somberly.  “No you can’t!  Everything I have done was for the protection of our wards and wood.  I will not comply!” Hardoak returns.

Suddenly, the forest around her comes alive and closes in on the condemned nymph.  “I am sorry sister.  I am truly sorry.”  says Elm softly with a tear.  “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” screams Hardoak as she is grasped by her executioners.

Hardoak’s inhuman screams echo throughout the woods and then silence.  “What the Hell was that?!” says Mid-Nite as he gazes into the woods.  “Looks like justice is finally served here, Doctor.  Time to get Gordon out here to clean up the mess.” says Bat-Man.  The two men stair into the darkness and wonder what really happened to the rogue nymph.

Post-Battle table.  So there ya go, a battle report that any tree huger would love.

Hope ya enjoyed it,


  1. Fantastic battle report. I've been following your blog for about a month now, but only just noticed the bat Rep tab. I've loved every one of them, but this is my favorite. Any chance of some more soon?

  2. I've got about a half dozen that I need to add. I'll try to get one up this weekend for ya.

    Glad you like it,